How to make dinner on a Friday night. Warning: All of these things are seemingly fancy, but only before some probing reflection.
- Make gluten-free spirals with black olives, leftover roasted chicken, and marinara. Serve by spreading it directly onto the table. Pray that your guests are as adventurous as toddlers. Use words like “fusilli” to be authentic.
- Then begin to make egg-free, dairy-free, gluten-free chocolate chip cookies. This will distract from the suspicion that dinner was thrown together thoughtlessly. Don’t worry- no matter how much you vary the temperature by a few minutes, they will come out the same consistency. Again, pretend it was all purposeful.
- Realize at 9pm that you have served everyone else (or one small boy) but not yourself and determine that your dinner should be more of a celebration than a nutritious meal. Break out the Pyrat, and thank your stars that no one else was there when you tried to pronounce it for the first time, only to realize how simply obvious the name is. Arrrgh, ye’re welcome.